Well, here I am, two days after I lost all the customization of my blog, and I'm still working on the restoration. Of course, I haven't been at it steadily – I stopped to go to work; to sleep; to eat; to watch The Simpsons, King of Queens, and Family Guy; and to tweeze my eyebrows. I'm about 95% there. I just have to restore my META tags, which (as my one fan in cyberspace may recall from META Madness) proved to be endless fun the first time around.
During a pause in my blog labor, I read an article today online at CNN.com about a new study indicating that website appearance is a factor in attracting male or female readers. Apparently, women like pages with color in the background and typeface. Well, that certainly is true in my case.
The whole reason I screwed up my blog in the first place is that I wanted to change the color scheme. My template was rather a rather boring grey-and-maroon affair, and I wanted to go with a green ambience. As you can see, it's now a festival of green. Problem was, I couldn't choose a new template without losing all of the customized links and changes I'd made in the past nine months. I'm fairly certain that isn't how it was supposed to work, but I went ahead and chose Rounders 4, and voilà, all my links disappeared. At 5:30 AM, I wasn't thinking too clearly, and I ignored the warning indicating that I was about to step into the abyss. I cursed for two hours straight, relying at first on the tried-and-true imprecations in a mélange of languages, and at the last, coining some new words which, sadly, I can no longer remember.
Interestingly, that new study on the attractiveness of web pages also indicates, according to the CNN.com report, that men "responded better to dark colors and straight, horizontal lines across a page. They also were more pleased by a three-dimensional look and images of "self-propelling" rather than stationary objects."
Huh? "Self-propelling?" Can anyone tell me what that means? How does an object self-propel across a web page? I know for sure that I don't have any self-propelling objects on my page, but I'm not at all worried about attracting men to my blog. Lots and lots of men have visited Does This Look Funny to You? and will continue to do so, every time they type "blow job" into Google. My blog, you see, contains all the chapters of my magnum opus, Blown Job: an Unemployment Odyssey. Blow job, blown job – Google doesn't care. It's not set up to make the distinction between a book title and a sex act. The poor suckers (you should pardon the expression) who hope to find some hot pictures or dirty words here wind up instead with a humorous account of my 3-1/2 year bout of miserable unemployment. Blown Job Blown Job Blown Job. (Just got three more visitors.)
Bottom line is, if you're reading this, I don't care which sex you are. I'm just glad you came. (Not that "came," silly.)
I have to take my leave now and go type funny humor comedy unemployment employment one-liners funny working laughter comedy articles columns funny into my template so the search engines can find me again. One last thing, guys and gals: I hope you like this color scheme, 'cause I'm never changing it again.
No comments:
Post a Comment