Today's Monologue

*

There's a new line of greeting cards for lovers having extramarital affairs. It must look something like this:

–I hope you don't mind my asking, but...
...did I leave my panties in your glove compartment?

Y You rock my world...
...especially in Room 426 of the Starlight Motel.

Let's fall in love...J
...next Thursday at 2:00 in the back seat of your Miata.

You are the sunshine of my life...
...but please pretend you don't know me at the next PTA meeting.

*

Martha Stewart's new TV show will have a short, punchy title. I wonder if it's 55170-174! (her inmate ID number.)

*

A farmer looking for love harvested a personal ad made entirely of corn stalks in his pasture. Don't ask what he's planning to do with the cucumbers.

*

Speaking of farming, this winter in Russia, cows will be fed confiscated marijuana. Talk about contented cows! I guess they'll only be producing "high"-fat milk from now on.

*

I think it's nice that a couple decided to get married at the drive-thru window of a McDonald's. But will the groom live up to the nickname, "Big Mac?"

*

The ashes of journalist Hunter S. Thompson were blasted into the sky as part of a memorial tribute. Now he's gonzo far away.