Saturday, January 08, 2005

Today's Monologue

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A defendant in England refused to appear in court because his toenails were too long. Well, at least he won't get a walk.

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Samsung is introducing an 80-inch plasma TV. Personally, I'd rather have a 19-inch TV and a 30-inch remote.

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A guy is suing NBC for $2.5 million because watching "Fear Factor" made him sick. Wonder what I can get for suffering through "Center of the Universe."

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A couple of bright guys broke into a car dealership in Germany and stole a coffee machine. When they do a bank job, they probably rip off the pens.

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Some Texans are selling snow on EBay, presumably to those who've never seen the stuff. Talk about a snow job.

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I just read in J-Walk Blog about a $2,900 flashlight and a computer that retails for "only $50,000." They're gonna need valet parking at Home Depot and Best Buy.

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A wag at the Census Bureau renamed Bevis Lake in Seattle, "Butthead Lake." And get this: the Great Lakes now will be known as Homer, Lisa, Bart, Marge, and Maggie, or the easy-to-remember mnemonic, "HLBMM."

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