It's a Grand Old World

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Brooke Shields is having another baby. Do I smell another bestseller?

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Sylvester Stallone is preparing to shoot Rambo IV and Rocky VI. Pray with me now that he's not considering "Oscar II," in which he would reprise the role of "Angelo 'Snaps' Provolone." (Check out the scintillating dialogue from Oscar.)


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A former head of a Kansas space museum is on trial for profiting from the trade of museum artifacts. Purportedly among the trades was a 2002 Yurchikhin for a 1983 Bobko.

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An Asian rebel group, the Tamil Tigers, is seeking a catchy national anthem. How about:

• I'm a Tamil Doodle Dandy


• When Selvathurai Comes Marching Home Again


• From the Halls of Ambalangoda to the Shores of Tissamaharama


• You're a Grand Old Kalashnikov

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Connecticut's liquor board wants to ban the sale of "Seriously Bad Elf" holiday beer because children might be enticed to drink. If they do, they'll be known as "Santa's Little Gulpers."

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A family living in the Road to Nowhere housing development near the Arctic Circle is getting government aid for their home, which is routinely buried by snow every year. Here's an idea – why not move to the Road to Something Approaching Civilization Condominiums?

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In Rome, goldfish bowls are now banned. Coincidentally, the sale of goldfish leashes has gone through the roof.