Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Mash Notes

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I saw an ad today that said, "Your dream home is waiting for you in Florida." Florida? As in Hurricane Central? A better tagline would be, "Your dream home is wading for you in Florida."

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An appeals court ruled that a woman is not legally responsible for fracturing her boyfriend's penis during sex, a maneuver we'll call the "mashonary position."

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The city of Las Vegas created a 130,000 pound birthday cake to commemorate its 100th anniversary. For the candles, they melted down a wax figure of Kirstie Alley.

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A man was found wandering a beach in England, well-dressed, soaking wet, and totally uncommunicative. At the hospital, he gave a masterful piano performance. Requests included "Somewhere Beyond the Sea," "I Cover the Waterfront," and "She Wore an Itsy Bitsy Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka Dot Bikini."

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