Did You Miss Me?

If anyone cares, I'm still here. I lost my sense of humor; temporarily, I hope. You be the judge. Well, maybe not this week.

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Scientists at Dartmouth College have pinpointed the site in the brain where familiar tunes are stored. I have two questions: (1) is there an operation to remove Mongo Jerry's "In the Summertime" from my head and (2) don't these guys have anything better to do?

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General Mills inked a deal to make Wheaties the official breakfast cereal of Major League Baseball. I envision specially marked Jose Canseco boxes with a surprise inside: the official steroid of Major League Baseball.

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In England, the candy maker Mars is cutting 700 jobs and ceasing production of Twix bars. What's next? A pink slip for the purple M&M?

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Sixty-year old Rod Stewart got down on one knee to propose to his 33-year old fiancé. She accepted. And then she helped him up.

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Sudanese officials were alarmed to read that nuclear tests took place in their country. Turns out, a US stenographer mistakenly typed "Sudan," instead of "Sedan," a site in Nevada. I guess that worker will soon be hired – oops, I mean, fired.

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They say that first-born children are smarter than their younger siblings. That will come as no surprise to my big brother, Whatshisname.