Activate Me Vertically

*

The Rolling Stones risqué lyrics have been censored during their concert tour of China. Concertgoers are rocking to:

• Let's Spend a Lovely Evening Together and Then I'll Take You Home


• Brown Splenda


• Empathy for the Mischievous Sprite


• May I Have a Room for the Night?


• You Cannot Always Obtain What is Desired


• Activate Me Vertically


• Tawdry Nightclub Women


• I Cannot Acquire Any Bliss

*

Steven Spielberg has joined the reality TV pantheon with a new show called, "On the Lot," a "Star Search" for new filmmakers. Celebrity judges: E.T., one Animaniac, two Goonies, and the Gremlin that looks like Miles Davis.

*

The Red Cross is undergoing a major overhaul. Its new name is "The Organization Formally Known as the Red Cross."

*

Shades of Wallace and Gromit: an enormous rabbit is tearing up vegetable gardens in England. It's a case of life imitating artichokes.

*

In Wisconsin, a man was convicted for stealing hundreds of pairs of panties. He maintains he's been thongly accused.