Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Very bad, sir

Sad to report, Jeeves has been axed as the mascot of the search engine, “Ask Jeeves.” Now, instead of answering questions, here are some of the questions Jeeves may be asking, as he faces a new job -- or no job:

  • You want fries with that?

  • Fill ‘er up?

  • Paper or plastic?

  • Ketchup or mustard?

  • What floor?

  • Spare some change?

  • Got milk?

Saturday, September 10, 2005

A Dash of Special Flavor Sauce


This from Reuters:

"The cat is out of the bag at a restaurant in northeast China that had been serving donkey meat spiked with tiger urine in pricey dishes advertised as endangered Siberian tigers."

" ...the so-called tiger meat was donkey meat that had been dressed with tiger urine to give the dish a 'special flavor.' "

Diners should have been tipped off by the menu listings:

  • Endangered Siberian Tiger (not really) with udon(key)

  • Moo shu Ass (w/ 4 barf bags)

  • Peking Ass

  • Crispy "Shrimp" in Tiger Urine

  • Won ton don(key) soup

  • General Tso's Ass in "Special Flavor" sauce

  • Vodka mar-tinkle


An American is paying $20 million to visit the international space station. Can't wait for the movie version: "If It's Tuesday, It Must Be Rigel 7."


A German brewer has concocted what he claims to be the world's strongest beer. It probably will be known as "the beer that made Garmisch-Partenkirchen famous."

British scientists say that crime dramas like "CSI" are helping crooks to become better criminals by revealing the secrets of forensic science. If only the shows could help actors to become better actors.


To curtail the drop-out rate, one high school in Australia is offering a course in surfing. Think grad schools will soon grant doctorates in boogie boarding?

Monday, September 05, 2005

Pass the Belly Rolls


Dieters are turning to hypnosis to help keep the pounds off. Think about it: not only will you crave healthy food like chicken, you'll also be able to cluck like one.


In San Diego, a topless dancer stabbed a customer who refused a lap dance. She'll now be billed as the "psychotic exotic dancer."


A woman in Germany burned her house down while trying to kill spiders with a can of hairspray and a cigarette lighter. Wonder if she plants land mines to get rid of weeds.


Some poor guy got fired because he ate two pieces of pizza left over after a company meeting. The infraction must be listed in the company handbook as "Get the gate. It's Domino's."


An art student in Thailand creates edible bread sculptures that resemble human body parts. You haven't lived till you've tried:

  • Peanut butter and jelly on a belly

  • Bacon, lettuce and toe-mato on thigh

  • Hand and swiss

  • Head cheese

  • Club-foot sandwich