The Friendly Skies

An airport in Jacksonville, Florida provides a lactation station for nursing mothers.  I guess that’s what’s meant by a “milk run”.

Exploding hoverboards?  Really?  How’s this for an ad campaign: 
•    Stop-Drop-and-ROLL
•    Feel the Burn
•    Get Charged Up
•    Light a fire in your sole
•    Hotfoot it over here
•    It’s the batteries, stupid!

There may be a second portrait underneath the Mona Lisa, but there’s no truth to the rumor that it's signed by Banksy.

A kid named Bud Weisser was arrested for trespassing at the Budweiser brewery in St. Louis.  Let that be a warning to you, Clyde S. Dale.

Tea Party!

To pick up where I left off four years ago,

A man in Utah found three ounces of marijuana in a can of supermarket iced tea.  Kind of redefines the meaning of the word, "teapot."

The Toys 'R' Us store in Times Square is closing at the end of the month.  Who needs toy Elmos and Spidermen when life-sized versions are right outside?

I see that scientists have developed a substance that is harder than a diamond. What are they calling it - ciabatta?

More Books with a Letter Missing

Size the Day – a manifesto on Daylight Savings Time

Per Goriot - the world according to Goriot

Our Ton – the story of  an overweight child

How to Make an American Quit – don’t offer him a raise

Le More D'Arthur – the movie sequel

Who's on Fust?

Love this Twitter meme, about book titles with a letter missing. Here’s my take:


Without Fathers – Woody Allen’s take on single motherhood

The Big Seep – the Exxon Valdez story

Infinite Jet – The Richard Branson story

The Naked and the Dad – a man in mid-life crisis joins a nudist colony

The Lord of the Rigs – you know, one of those bearded behemoths from Ice Road Truckers.

A Payer for Owen Meany – John Irving’s tale of a sugar daddy.

On the Bach – Ringo’s marital memoir

IM – a young boy in India learns the art of text messaging.

The Potman Always Rings Twice – the tale of a persistant drug dealer.

Woking – Studs Terkel’s cookbook.

Schindler’s Lit – Oskar Schindler on a bender

The Wonderful Wizard of O – the Oprah Winfrey story.

The Bile – a bunch of ticked-off prophets vent their spleens

Fust – a tale of what happens when you deal with the devil.

Let Us Now Raise Famous Men – the Barbara Bush story

Mater & Commander – Mom and Dad for the S&M set.

The Dharma Bus – on the road with Jack Kerouac

I'll Have What He's Having

At last, scientists have invented an invisibility cloak. Quick, throw it over Charlie Sheen.

A sunken submarine yielded $180 million of cocaine. Well, blow me down.  Funny it wasn't found on a junk. Or on an ocean line(r).

A Dunkin’ Donuts worker sold herself in the parking lot on her breaks. I wonder if she accepted gift cards.

In China, pickpockets are using chopsticks to relieve citizens of their wallets. (see the YouTube video) Worse, they repeat their crimes a half-hour later.

In France, McDonald’s has added baguettes to the menu. Suggested catchphrases:

• Fast food you long for
• Long food you fast for
• Home of the foot-long hamburger
• Try a Long Mac today!
• We spit on your undersized American puny burgers

Speaking of food, Harrods is about to debut a $400 lunch. On the menu: bangers and cash; take-my-kidney pie; bubble and shriek.

Drink (M)up, pet

There’s an article on Bloomberg.com about coping with uncertainty. I’m not sure if I should read it….

*

A Muppet-themed bar opened in San Francisco. My idea of a drinks menu:

Elmojito

Gonzopolitan

Kermit Julep

Absolut Zoot

Snuffalupagoose

Fozzie Bearcardi

Abby Cadabby Campari

Animalaga

Grovermouth

Pink Lady

Getting Frisky

The Beckhams want to have yet another child. Can’t wait for the birth of little Staten Island Fourteen.

They’re casting a new reality series, “Wall Street Wives.” And, how’s this for cross-programming: next year, the castoffs can visit their hubbies on “Lockup.”

In Illinois, a police station is opening inside a grocery store. Will customers be frisked buying Friskies®?

In Japan, a single bunch of grapes sold at auction for $6,400. I think someone’s finger was on the scale.

New York’s Museum of Modern Art is raising its ticket price to $25. The good news is that it will keep out all that middle-class riffraff.

Switch Hitter

Have you heard about the soon-to-be bestseller, “Untitled” by Anonymous? Good thing there are no bookstores left, or you’d go nuts trying to find it.

The name “Pippa" is now a top baby name, owing to the popularity of Brit royal Kate Middleton’s sister. I hope Kelly Ripa doesn’t hear about this.

Quote from Slate: “CBS explains Same Name (Sundays at 9 p.m. ET) as ‘a reality series about celebrities trading places with total strangers who just happen to share the same name.’" Can’t wait for the Bernie Madoff episode.

Bad Apple

Three fake Apple stores popped up in China. How might a customer know if she was in a fake Apple store?  My guess:

*  The logo has a worm crawling out of it.

*  The store sells Ipeds and Ipuds.

*  The only iTunes available are by Engelbert Humperdinck and Slim Whitman.

*  Their salespeople are known as “baristas.”

*  The Genius Bar serves apple martinis.

*  The MacBook comes with fries.

*  They also sell George Foreman Grills.

Peewees' Playhouse

When I saw this, I felt like crying. These "outhouses" are better than any place I've ever lived.