Sunday, November 20, 2005

The Secret of My Deferred Success


A new list of politically correct terms from Global Language Monitor includes "deferred success" as a euphemism for "failure" and "misguided criminals" for "terrorists." I propose the following additions:

  • spouse-free – single

  • overnourished – obese

  • looksless -- ugly

  • uniformed tourists – US military

  • bleach bums – scandal-ridden actresses

  • loss leader – President Bush

  • 21st Century Atlantis – New Orleans

  • accidental tourists – New Orleans' homeless

  • waterfront property – the entire state of Florida

  • Yahoo Sirius – Howard Stern


A law firm was chastised by the Florida Supreme Court for using a pit bill in its ads; the Court opining that the ads demean lawyers. The firm's attorneys were ordered to attend an advertising ethics workshop, which they will do as soon as somebody figures out how to run one.


A square-inch parcel of land is for sale on eBay. Possible bidders: Tiny Tim, Tom Thumb, and the Little Mermaid.


Ex-madam Heidi Fleiss plans to open a brothel in Nevada that caters to women. Possible names:

  • Bed Bath and Be Comped

  • Boy Toys are Us

  • Abercrombie & Switch

  • Amazon.wom.en

  • eBoy